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A Guide to Play Gear

Incorporating Play Gear into your relationship is about the eroticism of being under the control of another person or the eroticism of having full control over someone else.

Using Play Gear on any level stimulates the largest sex organ in the body – The Brain.

Before using your Play Gear products it is important to have complete trust in the person you intend to play with.

When you give yourself over to the game you are playing, due to the intensity of emotions and sensations, it can be difficult to communicate how you are feeling. Because of this difficulty, it is essential that everyone agrees on a ‘safety’ word or words before you start.

The safety word is a word that can be used by anyone to stop all activity immediately. The word could be a colour, a TV programme, or complete nonsense such as ‘tartan’.

Avoid using “stop” or “dont” as your safety word, as these words may be part of the game you are playing and can lead to confusion.  Whatever your safety word, it must only be used when you want to stop all activities and return to reality. You may wish to use other safety words to indicate that you would like to:

  1. Stop what you are currently doing, but don’t stop the game;
  2. Increase what you are currently doing;
  3. Maintain what you are currently doing.

Also for safety, do not tie anyone too tight or place in an uncomfortable position. During sexual arousal your body slightly swells, so a tight handcuff or awkward position can soon become painful.

For the novice, bondage can be a quick and inexpensive way to spice up your sex life. Use soft items to bind your lover to avoid chafing and avoid metal cuffs as these can cause bruising very easily.

Of course there is more to using Play Gear than just tying your partner down to the bed. What are you going to do with them now that you have them there? Teasing your partner adds to the excitement.  Enjoy a slow build up that leads to steamy passionate sex.

Playing is also a great excuse to dress up, if you dress sexy, you feel sexy. This could range from a naughty school girl or boy to a submissive slave or bold dominatrix.

Restraints: The feel of leather and the look and smell of it is very sexy. Just be aware that leather collars and cuffs do take some ‘wearing in’ because new leather can be firm. Fabric restraints are very comfortable to wear with padded protection. Quick and easy to use without any damage.  Specialised restraints will place the body in wonderful positions, perfect for oral or penetrative pleasure.

Bondage Tape – Bondage tape is wonderful and looks hot, it sticks to itself but is not sticky, so you can wrap around the body and take it off easily.

Nipple Clamps & Clips – Producing wonderful sensations, nipple restraints are an extra dimension enjoyed by many. For beginners, only purchase clamps with adjustable tension screws. For many players, the enjoyment comes not only from the pressure exerted on the nipples but also from the flood of sensation when the clamp is  released.

Feathers, Whips & Paddles – All of these products can add a fun dimension into playing. Producing great sounds and sensations. Always start softly and gently, and only increasing the intensity in agreement with your partner.

Collars & Cuff Sets – Not only do these collars make the wearer look really hot but they are also very versatile. You can cuff & clip in front or behind or to the bed. Always ensure that the wearer is not in a position that will quickly become uncomfortable.

Common Play Terms:
BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism
Bondage: The practice of restraint.
Discipline: The practice of discipline using spanking and whips.
Dominant: The person who is in control of a Submissive.
Submissive, or “sub”: Person that gives up control either all the time or only during a scene.
Switch: Someone who likes being both Dominant and submissive, either in one scene or on different occasions.
Top: Dominant person either all the time or only during a scene.
Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene.
Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.
Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.
Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.
Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.
S&M:  (Sadism & Masochism, or SM, S/M): Used to denote the physical activity of pain given and received.
Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object or experience.
Scene: A time period of BDSM activities.
Vanilla: Sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.

Communication is always the key to great playing. You  may find that is only when try new experiences and begin playing that you will find out what you really like. There are no rules apart from ensuring that play is consensual for all. Enjoy the games…

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Introducing Toys into the Relationship.

Introducing Toys into the Relationship.

Adding toys into lovemaking goes back many centuries. The idea of them has been recorded in paintings and sculptures as far back as the fourth and fifth centuries. The Book of the Kama Sutra features early dildos made of wood, leather and stalks.

Why add Toys?
Some women are aroused quickly and some women take longer, some orgasm easily yet others find it difficult to climax every time they make love. Some men climax quickly and some have a difficult time maintaining an erection. There is no set timeframe for arousal or climax and because we are all different, sex can be a frustrating and unsatisfying experience for a couple. That’s where toys can be helpful.

If a partner climaxes early or needs a longer arousal time than their lover, sexual play doesn’t have to stop. Toys can assist to keep one partner aroused until the other is recharged enough to continue or can speed up the arousal time of a partner with a longer fuse.

Visual and Mental Stimulation
Your most erogenous zone is your mind. Some people find using toys to be extremely erotic and can help experiment with different forms of penetration without the anxiety of a lover being present.

Oral Sex
As you’re engaging in oral sex on your partner, why not use a toy at the same time? Fingers and hands are very erotic, but using a toy can also be very pleasurable and will ease fatigue that the giver may experience after a while.

Safe Sex
Using toys can be a very good form of safe sex. As long as your toy is wearing a condom, you’ll never have to worry about infecting yourself with dangerous bacteria and you can share your toy with a partner. Just change the condom before your partner uses it.

Misconceptions About Toys

“My man thinks that my using a vibrator will replace him.”
No toy can ever replace the loving touch and affection of another human being. A toy can enhance sexual play with your partner but never replace them.

“Using toys is not normal.”
Absolutely false! It is very easy in a relationship for bedroom boredom to set in – when you know exactly what your partner is going to do and how. Toys allow you to add new sensations and dimensions to your lovemaking. Different times and different moods call for different types of play – a variety of toys is ideal and great for keeping the excitment and passion alive.

Incorporating Your Toys Into Partner Play

If your partner has never used any kind of sex toy, they might feel threatened or inadequate. Inadequacy is the biggest fear, although most people won’t admit to it. But if you use compassion and understanding when introducing the idea of using toys, they just might be accepted.

Please Don’t

Don’t bring out your toys in the middle of sex.
This kind of surprise can be very upsetting. A partner may feel that fact that you have a toy indicates that perhaps they are not doing something right or giving you sexual pleasure often enough. Before whipping out your toys, take into consideration how your partner will feel. Unless you are absolutely positive that your lover will be excited about it, don’t introduce it during sex.

Don’t be accusatory when you discuss incorporating a toy into your lovemaking.
Saying things like, “You don’t do this.” and “You don’t do that.” and “I don’t like it when you do this.” or “You just don’t satisfy me anymore.” can be extremely hurtful. If it’s approached in a way that makes your partner feel like he/she has been doing something wrong or not enough, then your partner will be very defensive from the start. And that’s it, once a wall has been built up, your partner is not going to hear you out. And sometimes the relationship is strained because of it.

Don’t bring up the subject at a bad time.
By this, we mean, right before, during or right after sex. Try not to bring it up if you have to go to a meeting or work. The discussion will be rushed, and not worked through because you or your partner will have to leave. Sex can be the most difficult topic for lovers to discuss with each other. You can talk openly about it to your friends or even strangers, but when it comes to each other, sometimes there are too many emotions that get in the way.

Please Do

Do discuss this at a time when you’re both relaxed and feeling open.
Don’t discuss it when you both walk in the door after a stressful day at work. Have dinner, put the kids to bed and just when you’re both ready to sit down and relax for the night, set a comfortable atmosphere in a room besides your bedroom. You want to create a relaxed atmosphere where your partner will feel safe and be able to express his/her feelings openly.

Start the conversation with an idea to spice up your already satisfying sex life.
Mention that you’ve heard or read about some interesting techniques that sound exciting. There are a variety of reactions that can happen when you bring this up. Listen to him/her, answer questions, calm concerns and fears, assure your partner that this is not a solution to a problem, it’s just an idea of something different to try. If you are really happy with your sex life, let your partner know it, and keep telling him/her that. But be willing to listen.

Look through our selection on this website. Discuss what you see, laugh at them if you want. Remember sex is fun and a great form of stress release. Relax and communicate. If you want, let your partner choose the style, so that they are involved with the toy.

If you already own a toy
Be honest and up front from the start if you can. Whipping out your out your own secret toy after discussing that introducing toys is something that you would like to do and have never done it before will most likely upset your partner big time.

Show your toy to your partner. Ask your partner if they want to watch you use it. The best way for your partner to learn how to use it with you is watch you use it yourself. If they are enjoying watching you play with it, invite them to help you. Tell your partner how exciting this is for you. The important thing is to make sure your partner is involved and doesn’t feel like an outsider. Remember, you’ve been playing with this toy for a while, it may be seen as another lover. So get your partner involved. But don’t make the toy the focus though, make sure that you end the play with your partner, at least for the first few times.. This shows your partner that you are truly satisfied with him or her.

If it’s the first time using a toy for both of you
When your toy arrives, make a night out of it. Set up a romantic atmosphere in the room you want to play in, light candles. Both of you handle it, laugh, be playful. Tease each other with it. If your toy is a vibrator, massage all over your partner’s body with it. Don’t just start thrusting crazily. Make sure you have your bottle of lubricant on hand, once play starts you don’t want to have to search for the lube. When you are both really aroused, you’ll know when to bring it into play. Kiss your partner, stay in contact and in direct communication with him/her. Take your time with it and enjoy the pleasure it gives you or your partner. But don’t end your lovemaking with it. End your lovemaking with each other at least the first few times. This assures both of you that you are both all the other needs and these toys are just additions, not necessities.

Take your time, relax and enjoy the new sensations and intimacy that toys can provide.

Talk, share, listen, respect and above all